


One night

by trashwithcats



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Hurt/Comfort, I AM SORRY, Infinity war killed me, Lots of Angst, M/M, Pain, god this is literally just pain and tears, very very close brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:50:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashwithcats/pseuds/trashwithcats
Summary: MAJOR INFINITY WAR SPOILERS...Years ago Loki casted a spell that would allow him to be with the person he loves most for one more night.orme trying to deal with lokis death help





	One night

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this was very painful to write and i originally wanted it to be longer but i couldn't... Next time i write something happy! I just needed to get it off my chest ...
> 
> Please mind that i am not a native speaker!   
> And yes, this is Thorki - i know i am going to hell for that. 
> 
> (and yes i know, there is not day and night in space buuuuuuut just accept it? Please? :D)

One night

 

 

“Groot stop it! Stop staring at me, I have to concentrate!”, Rocket, currently captain of his small spaceship, groaned annoyed and threw a small piece of his food at his friend. The tree made an unwilling sound and kept scaring at the racoon with a doubting expression.

Rocket rolled his eyes. “Stop staring, I swear to whatever, stop!” Groots expression turned somewhat sad when he turned around, looking to the back of the ship.

 

Rocket sighed defeated and followed Groots eyes behind him, seeing Thor lying on a too small bench. He stared at the ceiling without any emotion showing on his face. Just blank and empty eyes searching for something that won’t ever be found. Groot grew one of his branches long enough to poke Rocket in his soft side, looking at him with an encouraging small smile.

 

The captain sighed again, turned on the autopilot and slowly sled down his seat. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. But Thor’s aura was oozing pain and sadness and even though they didn’t know each other longer than a few days Rocket couldn’t leave the medigod deal with his pain my himself. He was the captain after all and a captain looks after his crew! “That one-time Quill is needed… God damnit.”, the racoon whispered to himself before silently sliding next to Thor.

 

“Hey there, big guy?” Thor turned around when he heard the small animal approach him. He tried to put on a smile but failed on full line. 

 

Rocket clenched his teeth.

 

“So… how are you doing? Enjoying…. The journey?” Smalltalk was never his strength and the look Thor gave him confirmed it once again. “Haa… Okay, listen… Groot,.. No, we – both of us, we are a bit worried about you, I think?”

 

“Why do you worry, rabbit? I am not the one who got killed by Thanos. No worries about me.”

 

The racoon distorted his face. “Yeah, about that… your whole ‘revenge my brother’ thing… are you sure you are ready for that?”

 

The medigod looked at him in confusion. “Why would I not be ready? Of course I am! I am going to tear Thanos apart for doing that to my brother!!!”

 

“And millions of other people but yes I get your point.”, Rocket quietly added. “It’s just… Don’t you think you may need some time to … cool down?”

 

“Oh but I am cool! Very cool.”, Thor smiled at him with tears in his eyes, “I am very positive.”

 

“Ah… yes…” He smiled back a smiliar scary smile. Dissuading Thor from his plan would most likely be impossible. “Do you at least want to sleep for a bit? We still have some time until Nidavellir.. You can take the chamber downstairs. Nothing big but Groot fits in so you will too… Maybe.”

 

“Sounds perfect.”, Thor said still tearfully smiling. He stood up, patted Rockets head and went down to the sleeping quarter.

 

“Oh Groot… That man is as beautiful as he is tortured…” Groot looked up from his game to give Rocket a somewhat loving smile, before they turned back to navigating the ship to Nidavellir.

 

 

 

Downstairs Thor squeezed himself through the small doorframe into the chamber. It really was nothing more but a chamber with a small bed in the middle, long enough but he wouldn’t be able to turn on the tiny mattress.

 

But his tired body couldn’t care less. He wasn’t able to sleep since they started their journey. Every time he closed his eyes… he felt himself restrained and saw his brother. Hanging in Thanos grip. Life sucked out of his body. And Thor couldn’t help.

 

With an angry groan he pushed the thought away. Thanos will pay.

 

 

Thor was awakened by small grumble right next to his bed. The small chamber was completely dark, without any windows leaving at least the smallest amount of light in. In a well-trained move Thor grabbed for his hammer next to him, realising once again that Mjölnir was in fact not there anymore. Panic rising the Medigod sprung to his feet, bending his arms ready for a hand-on-hand combat.

 

“Oh Thor, really? Fighting with bare fists? How barbaric.”

 

The soft chuckle froze Thors blood in his veins. No…

It couldn’t be… There was no way…

Not again.

 

“What? No hello? No welcome back? No Hug?” The other voice wasn’t as steady as Thor remembered. He could clearly hear fear behind the trembling words. After all these years Thor could hear every tiny change in his voice.

“Loki..”, he finally whispered, reaching for the lamp on his nightstand.

 

The small chamber flooded with warm flickering light, revealing his brother in full Glory. “It’s really you… But how…?!” Loki smiled a bit without looking at Thors face. “Well, you know brother, illusions are my best work.” The cocky grin was vague and Thor could still hear the unsteadiness in Lokis words. Something wasn’t right.

 

He stepped back as far as he could in the small chamber. Only a few feet between him and his brother but he needed that space. The need and want of just throwing himself at Loki, feeling him alive and warm was unbearable, but the fear held him back. Something wasn’t right. He studied the youngers face, who still looked at his hands and everywhere but Thor.

 

“No…”, Thor whispered, “Loki I… I held your body… I saw… heard your neck cracking… You can foul me with your illusions but … you can’t fool Thanos…”

 

Loki bit his lip, his eyebrows wrinkling in pain. “I can fool everyone…”, he whispered.

 

“No! No you can’t!”, Thor blared out. He grabbed a small stone from the nightstand – probably an artefact Rocket stole somewhere- and held it up high, ready to throw. He stopped in his motion, feeling the fear crawl into his muscles, stopping them from moving.

 

“Are you here?”, he whispered, gripping the stone tighter.

 

Loki swallowed hard, “Yes… of course…”

 

His voice was so thin and small, Thor felt a stabbing pain of fear roaming through his entire body. “Why…”, he choked. The fear turning into desperation, tears prickling in his eyes. “Why are you lying to me like this, Loki?!”, he bursted out. His eyes turned wild with distress. “Look at me!”

 

Loki bit his lip harder, chewing at his flesh not able to look up. He didn’t want to see the pain in his brothers eyes. Again because of him. But his time…

 

“Don’t make me throw it, brother. Don’t make me throw it and seeing you disappear into thin air.”

 

“What would be the difference? Me telling you or you realising it yourself? The outcome stays the same, doesn’t it?” Loki knew his attitude would upset Thor even more but he couldn’t deal with the atmosphere in this small room, feeling it crawl under his skin and ripping him open with desperation and fear.

 

Thor groaned in pain, pushing his palms to his eyes. The stone fell to the ground, no more needed. The blonde turned around facing the metal wall of the space ship. He knew he couldn’t just punch the wall to let go of this unsettling energy pulsing through his veins. He gritted his teeth until it got painful and pushed his fingernails into his palms to calm down at least a little bit.

 

“Brother…”, Loki interfered soft.

 

“You stay still!”

 

For another moment Thor maltreated parts of his body until he felt strong enough for turning around and seeing him again.

 

Loki still stared down his feet, no intention of ever looking at his brother.

 

“What is this?”, Thor finally asked, “An illusion? Where are you? With the rest of asgard? We could need you here, Loki! The whole world is-“

“No..”, Loki interrupted, “I am… I am not with the asgardians.. I am..”  He sucked in a shaking breath, couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

 

“You are what? In the name of the allfathers, Loki! Talk to me! Look at me! What are you?!”

 

“Dead! Thor, I am dead!”, Loki blurted out, finally looking up, tears streaming down his face, “I am an illusion because I am dead Thor! I can’t be here, because Thanos cracked my neck real good. And no resurrection this time, remember?!” A breathless sob interrupted his monologue and it was his turn to face the wall, rubbing his hands over his face.

 

Thor stared at the shaking figure of his brother. His words echoing painfully loud in his head. Ringing so loud he nearly threw up. His eyes demonstrating against the staring, but he couldn’t look away.

 

Dead…

 

His brother.

 

“You left me.”, Thor stated breathlessly.

 

Loki swung around with a bewildered expression. “What?!”

 

“You fucking left me!”, Thor bawled, “you promised, Loki! The sun will shine again! You promised you would stay by my side! After all these years I waited for you! You fucking promised!”

 

Loki stared at him in complete disbelief. “What the… I am sorry?! Sorry for saving your life?!”

 

With a roar Thor punched the wall, the whole spaceship trembling from the impact, but he couldn’t care less. Fury and rage replaced the agony for just a moment and the sweet feeling of relieving the negative energy that haunted him for days took place.

 

“A ‘sorry’ doesn’t change anything Loki! I don’t need your pathetic apology! You promised me and you broke it again! You’ve been lying to me since forever, again and again and again! When can I finally trust you?! Do you have to die every other year?! Does it feel good seeing me in pain? When will you ever stop your selfish behaviour and for once be good fucking brother?!”

 

The younger just looked at him in silence, feeling the words sting and accepting Thors rage without any resistance.

 

“You think you can just come back every time and I will happily accept it?!”

 

“I am not … ‘coming back’, Thor.”, Loki stated quietly.

 

His Brother stopped his raging, looking at the younger one. “What? Yes of course you are! You are standing right in front of me, Loki! Illusion or not! You are somewhere, happily alive, probably making jokes with Valkyrie about how stupid your brother is, haha, stupid Thor!”

 

“Yes, of course. Because Valkyrie and I are such good friends, I forgot.”

 

“Stop the sarcasm! You are not in the position to be pissed. I got fooled by you AGAIN. It just annoys the shit outta me.” Thor shook his head, angry with himself for not realising the circumstances earlier. When will he ever be able to see through his brothers tricks?

 

Loki sighed defeated. “Thor please… Stop it.”

 

“Stop what? Being angry at you? Angry because you fooled me again and again and agai-“

 

“Denying.”, Loki interrupted him once again.

 

Thor felt the lump of fear in his throat grow bigger again, stealing him any confidence he just had. “Deny what?”

 

“The truth, Brother.” Blue eyes met blue eyes. One pair alive with fire, rage and fear and one tired and empty. “I am gone. For real this time. I can’t do anything against it.”

 

Thor sucked in a stuttering breath. He never saw his brother this earnest, this vulnerable. Ready to give him. He wanted to jump over this ridiculous small bed, grab the tired figure and give him life again, give him a purpose, anything to just get rid of the look of surrender.

 

“No… You can’t be… You are Loki! God of mischief and fire! You can’t be dead… you… you are right in front of me…” Thor reached for the hand of the other but Loki pulled away. “It’s a spell…”, he said, caressing the arm Thor wanted to touch.

 

“A spell that I made many years ago… It allows me to spend some time with the ones I love after I died. I didn’t think I would need it this early.” A tired laugh pierced Thors heart.

 

“Why me?”, he whispered.

 

“Because… there is only you. Always was and always will be only you. And after mother died you are the only family I have left. You are my best friend… not to say my only friend. You are the only one that ever cared for me and you are the one I ever cared for.” Again he let out a breathless laugh while studying the ceiling.

 

“’This is not a laughing matter, Loki…”

 

“Why not? Isn’t it pathetically funny how you are the one I tried to kill millions of times and who despised me most of our time together and in the end I have no one left but you.”

 

“That’s not true! Never would I despise you even if you’d kill me!”

 

“I tried to kill your friends and destroy your beloved earth.”

 

“… Ok, you don’t have to try to be the bad guy now.” Loki chuckled and it send warm shivers down Thor’s spine. A small smile spread over his face, trying to cover the pain in his eyes.

 

He walked around the bed, grabbing Lokis arm und pulling him close. “Listen, never would I ever hate you. Of course I can’t approve your actions on Midgard but Loki, I’ve seen your good sides more than a million times. I’ve seen your love and your gentleness. Even if you are a mess, I still admire you and love you dearly.”

 

Loki swallowed hear and eyed their tangled fingers. He closed his eyes and leaned his head onto his brother’s broad chest. Thor wrapped his arms around him and held him close, pressed his nose into to black locks and breathed in.

 

Loki…

 

“How long can you stay?”, he asked silently, still inhaling the others smell.

 

“Just one night.”

 

The answer felt like a stab through his whole body. He grabbed tighter, pressed them even closer together like he was trying to protect Loki from whatever was going to rip him away.

 

He felt the body in his arm tremble, shaking softly. In all these years together he saw Loki cry only a few times but never was he able to hold him close and console him. Thor just wished the circumstances would be different.

 

They stood there entwined in a never ending hug for a long time until Thor could feel his brother calming down. He didn’t cry while holding him. Even though the tears burned in his eyes and his throat was clenched tight, he just felt empty. He tried not to think but take everything Loki gave him in. Every single movement, every quiet sound, just everything.

 

When he was sure that his brother stopped crying he managed them over to the small bed and laid them both down carefully. Loki on top of him still hid his face, didn’t dare to look up. Thor started to gently caress his hair, comforting him in every possible way.

 

He would prefer to just scream “You are very loved and everyone will see that” at him until he believed his words but even Thor had a feel for atmosphere. And he knew that right now action counted more than words.

 

So he kept on caressing the black hair as gentle as possible and took in everything about his brother. His soft hair, the slender neck, the long finger that still clenched his shirt tight, the beautiful line of his body… He always wondered how a man was allowed to be this beautiful and intelligent. Everything about Loki seemed like someone gave a lot of thought on designing the perfect human. Beautiful jawline, straight nose, soft lip and baby blue eyes.

 

He faltered when he met Lokis eyes, now staring straight up to him.

 

The blue was filled with pain and lost chances.

 

It was like an invisible power that made Thor grab his brothers face tight and push their foreheads together. Having the face in front of him blur due to the closeness made it nowhere less beautiful.

 

“I feel like I’ve been lost for a long time… I had nowhere to go and nothing to fight for. I lost my family, probably never had one, I lost my dignity, I lost my will. The only thing I found myself fighting for was you.”

 

Thor breathed in deeply, sucking up every word from Lokis lips. His embrace probably was painful as tight as he held the face but Loki didn’t seem to be bothered by it. He even leaned in closer, tried to minimize the distance more.

 

“We will find a way, Brother. I promise, I won’t let you die. I will find a way! I will cut Thanos onto pieces and I will personally go to Valhalla and drag you back if necessary! I won’t let us be separated again! We have to-“

 

For a third time Thor was interrupted by his brother, but this time not by a snarky comment but soft lips desperately pushing against his.

 

He felt the torture Loki was going through. Tasted the hope and wishes from his lips. But also the irremediably knowledge of what will come.

 

But most of all he felt love.

 

The lump in his throat nearly suffocated him as he gently pushed back.

 

The torture of the last days was nothing against this moment. Full of love and fear. Helplessly clinging to each other, afraid to let go of this moment.

 

The tears that burned in his eyes finally fell and mixed with Lokis. With a choking sob they broke the contact and just stayed as close as possible, taking in the others pain. The impotence against faith killing them from the inside.  

 

Breathing normal was impossible with the whole room being heavy with agony. “I won’t let you go, I won’t.” He whispered again and again, without getting an answer from the other one.

 

Thor hugged his Brother desperately, held him closer so he could never again disappear, until he fell into an exhausted sleep with the smell of Loki calming him down.

 

Hours later he woke up just to find his embrace empty and his brother vanished.


End file.
